He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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