i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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