I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
