Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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