farters have to be the big spoon...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
