everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
