if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize