Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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