you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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