A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
