This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
