i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Mom said you looked used
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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