I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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