he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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