I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
