I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You pole danced in your parka.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
