i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
