fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
