No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize