Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
