Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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