So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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