i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
