I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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