I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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