When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
