i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
