How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
