she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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