At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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