found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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