Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
