Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
