I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
