So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my shit smells like andre
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize