Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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