I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
