This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
