so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Panties = found
Randomize
