my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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