I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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