Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
