We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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