careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
4 words: hood of his car
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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