When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
