I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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