No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize