Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
