i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
why do cheetos always look like penises
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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