One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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