Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
