And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
