I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize