May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
