would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize