Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
