I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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