oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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