just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
