You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
